Spirit dolls as grief support
I crafted this spirit doll in 2023, as I waded through the choppy waters of deep grief and personal transformation. It was one of the most difficult experiences that I’ve moved through (and in many ways, I’m still moving through it).
In the beginning, the waves seemed to crash over me, and I thought I might suffocate from the weight of it all. I would fight against the swell, struggling to find my footing so as not to be pulled under completely. The waters beneath me were dark and deep - full of shadows and memories that I wasn’t ready to face.
In my grief, I longed for the gentle embrace of the ocean - the deep spirit mother who holds, heals, and protects. I longed to lay my body down on a bed of kelp and feel her arms wrap around me - a watery cocoon from which I would eventually emerge, forever changed but whole once again. I longed to feel her waters lift the shawl of grief from my shoulders and weave the threads of my story into something new and beautiful.
This kind of deep, transformative sorrow is something all of us have or will experience at some time in our lives. Loss of any kind - whether through death, estrangement, or a life event that sends us headfirst into the unknown - changes us. It creates deep fissures in the foundation of our existence and forces us to slow down, rethink our identity, and confront our shadows.
Unfortunately, society doesn’t often make space for grief (or any other “too big” feelings). We’re expected to move on quickly, to not feel “too much,” and to avoid making others uncomfortable. We may find that those around us aren’t able to hold us in our grief - and this only adds to our heartache and loneliness. We might seek ways to dissociate or distract ourselves from being present with what we’re experiencing - which can feel good for a time, but ultimately doesn’t serve us. When we don’t allow ourselves to coexist with our grief, we begin (inadvertently) to close off parts of ourselves.
Even if we do manage to wall it off, the tides of grief will continue to reach for us. We might find that the waves overwhelm us just when we feel like we’re finally free and can breathe again. I can’t tell you how many times I began to feel better - and allowed myself to soften into that feeling - only to wake the next morning with that familiar, crushing sadness on my chest.
How can we make space for our grief to exist alongside us?
How can we make space for what is - instead of hiding from it?
How do we learn to make our way through the dark?
For me, crafting and working with this spirit doll - a doll that allowed me to bring my feelings of grief, fear, and longing into being outside of myself - was a large part of my healing journey. Working with the wool, herbs, and bones to bring her forward forced me to sit with my experience. Through the act of creating, I was able to look more closely at those shadows moving below the surface of the waves.
In many ways, she’s an external representation of my own transformative journey. Like me, she’s changed over time (and I’ve reworked her face and gown as she’s shown more of herself to me). She continues to support me when the familiar waves of grief rush in (they never really leave us, do they?). I often have her near me as I journal, write, or create. Some days, I bring her with me to the water, where she sits by my side - a quiet companion as I take in the medicine of the ocean. Though she came into being to help me deal with a particular heartbreak, she holds space for all of the grief, fear, and worry that swirls around us on this planet.
Through this practice, I’ve learned that working with spirit dolls can offer beautiful support for us in times when we feel lost and alone. When we’re unable to carry the weight of our grief - when it feels too heavy, too overwhelming, too scary - our dolls can carry some of the burden. They can act as a reminder of the loving support that surrounds us. Even when we don’t have people around us to lean on, the Earth and Spirit are here to hold us up and guide us through. In this same way, a spirit doll can serve as a companion for our darkest hours - and a reminder of the beauty that we hold within.
If this finds you as you’re walking your own path with grief, I wonder if you might begin to weave the supportive energy of the doll into your journey? Perhaps a small doll that sits on your altar can come along with you in your pocket on difficult days. Maybe you have a larger doll that you can take with you on walks, to sit in the forest or on the beach as you both take in the healing energy of the Earth. Or maybe a small talisman feels more appropriate for your practice? Trust your intuition. Seek out whatever physical object you feel called to - and find ways to weave it into your healing journey.
There are innumerable ways to work with spirit dolls as grief support, and I’ve shared a few from my personal practice here, but please honor your knowing when it comes to finding the practice that’s right for you. There is no right or wrong way to work with these spiritual support objects.
Until next time, thank you for being on this journey with me, dear reader.
May we find the light that we need to navigate the dark.
A large part of my work as a fiber artist is working with the energies of life. death, and rebirth. As I craft dolls and other sacred objects, I dig deep into the wells of ancestral wisdom, connecting to the Spirit realm and communicating with the guides and energies that are there to support us. If my work resonates with you and you’d like to order a bespoke doll or talisman, please reach out.